I can do it! I can do it. Can I do it?

Remember that little fishing boat from the perfect storm, how it climbed up that endless wave hoping to reach the top and cruise down the other side to safety, but just like that fishing boat, I can’t seem to quite crest the wave. So if you’re in the water and the waves keep smacking you down, what do you do? Sometimes you manage to solider on, clutch the steering wheel and face the storm. While other times, you look around and see the situation clearly, that ultimately, you’re going to drown.
- Being Erica

That pretty much sums up how I feel in my job. As a teacher, I think I am surviving pretty well... I mean, I do ok. However, as an employee, I suck. Or at least I feel like I do. I think I am just NOT FIT to work for my principal. That is what it all boils down to. Since August, whatever confidence I had a teacher, has been shattered. I have none. I feel like I am just sinking.... FAST. And to top it all off our principal has decided that she all of a sudden needs all this data so that she can see how we are doing groups and stuff, she wants us to turn in our report cards just so she can read them, AND one of my students had her last day at our school today. Data: What kind of data do you have in FIRST GRADE?!?! AND if I had known all year that I was supposed to be keeping data, I would have!! Report Cards: Just one more thing that she can find something wrong with, even though I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. Transfer: This student was one who could make me SO mad, but I love her so much! She was the kid who would just come up to me, wrap her arms around my waist, and say, "I love you Ms. Peacock." How could I not be torn up about her leaving? After such a long stretch with no crying over my job, the tears have started up again. With only 41 school days left, you would think that we'd be in the home stretch and things would be, if not looking up, at least leveling out. Nope. I should have learned by now that things don't even out around here. Just when you've started to think you are going to make through, even if it's just barely, you get another curve ball thrown at you. I think that on the last day of school, I am going to feel like I've had a huge weight lifted off of me.
I am going to a job fair at home on Saturday. I've got to update my resume and hope for the best. I have to put my principal as a reference, mostly because if i didn't, someone is going to say, "Ummm what is wrong with her that she doesn't feel comfortable putting her current boss as a reference?" I just have to hope that she will give me a good reference. OR, if her reference isn't stellar, everyone else will give me a good one and that will outweigh the negative. Either way, moving home is definitely a fresh start... job-wise. In every other aspect, I feel like moving home is a huge step back, but I need to do it to save money, so I'll survive. Plus, my parents aren't too bad either.

They say the greatest mistake is giving up. True strength lies in the will to keep trying. Keep hoping things will get better, keep reminding yourself of all you’ve accomplished, keep everything in perspective, keep up the fight because at the end of the day, that is what you’re left with: the knowledge that you did your best, and that you’ll wake up tomorrow and try again.
-Being Erica


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